Type of guys you find on dating apps

I feel like dating in the 21st century is mostly made up of endless amounts of swiping and the occasional exchange of a GIF of Joey asking ‘how you doin’. Once you have spent a few months of your life doing this, however sad that sounds, you start to see a pattern in the kind of guys on the other end of the phone. This is my analysis on the type of guys you will most likely come across at one point or another on dating apps…..

The Catfish – He is gorgeous, loves dogs, shares your interest in prison documentaries and laughs at your crap puns about cheese. He is too good to be true. Well it turns out that’s because he isn’t true, after some social media stalking you find out your prince charming is actually a 60 year old goat farmer called Herbert (might be exaggerating a bit here but you never know it could happen!)

The Midnight Messenger – In every photo he is flexing at the gym or in his swim trunks on the beach. This guy is after one thing and one thing only. He makes it very clear to you by following these simple steps 1. He will only message you between midnight and 4am 2. His first question will be ‘what is your snap’ 3. His second question will be ‘so when am I coming over’. You’re not fooling anyone Casanova!

The Serial Swiper – This guy does not understand the concept of a left swipe. A match will be followed by a generic ‘hey how are you x’ message and will you will later discover, over a glass of wine with the girls, that he sent the exact same thing to each of them. If it’s got boobs and legs then its good enough for him.

The Tortoise – Know the story of the tortoise and hare? Well that is the tale that this guy takes his inspiration from. He will send you engaging, interesting messages filled with questions and witty responses that give you hope you’ve found a potential match. The only problem being he will take around 4 days to reply to each one. Now I understand that most people do have better things to do with their time than replying to tinder messages but don’t ask me how my Monday was if you won’t actually read my response and reply till Thursday!

An Actual Adolescent – You knew that he had a baby face but thought that was just a cute quality! It isn’t until later when you realise he only replies before 9am and after 3:30pm that he is in fact still in school. If you bring this up to him I guarantee he will say ‘I bet I’m more mature than half the man you’ve ever met’. Could be true but I also don’t remember enough from school to be able to help you with your homework so I can’t see this working out I’m afraid.

The Scum of the earth – He has a girlfriend.

The Familiar Face – You’re sat at home killing some time by swiping when low and behold the cool kid of your secondary school appears on your screen. The only acceptable response is to first look over his photos and establish that he definitely peaked at 13, laugh at how the boy who always had a girlfriend is now on Bumble, remember that are in the exact same situation but without the glory of having relationships throughout your school years and stop laughing, quickly swipe right but secretly hope he has seen and noted your glow up.

The Ghoster – This one is a bit of a no brainer and unfortunately just seems to be a norm of dating apps. Either he won’t even send you a message at all to begin with or reply to your sad attempt at a pick up line or even worse, you will actually have a good conversation and before you know it a reply never comes! Was it my excessive use of exclamation points that put him off? Who knows but you will think about it during your shower thoughts for the next couple of days!

So there we have it. A list of the kind of guys that always seem to make an appearance on my dating apps, have you ever encountered any of them or do you have any regulars of your own I would love to know!

Go and grab another cuppa on me, Em x

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LIKED THIS POST? read my other post on The 6 stages of a long distance relationship 

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A-Z festive dating

A while ago I posted about A-Z Dating which essentially means you pick a letter from the alphabet and then come up with an activity to do on your date that starts with that letter. (If you want to find out more about it I’d recommend reading my first post.) It’s well known that winter is the most magical time of the year and also a great opportunity for some cute dates with your loved one.

Here are my ideas for some festive dates you can go on for each letter:

A – chose an angel for the tree or an advent calendar

B – board games

C – carolling (either yourself or go to a show)

D – decorating the tree

E – elf on a shelf (hide and seek)

F – festive film marathon

G – gingerbread house making

H – hot drinks at a nice cafe

I – ice skating

J – joke presents (give each other a budget and 10mins in poundland to buy each other presents)

K – (Christmas) song karaoke

L – (Christmas) light switch on

M – (Christmas) markets

N – nativity play

O – make ornaments to hang on your tree

P – pantomime

Q – go to a pub Christmas quiz

R – reindeer farm

S – skiing (mountain or dry slope)

T – make a turkey dinner for 2 or go to a pub lunch

U – ugly sweater party or who can make/find the ugliest sweater

V – watch back videos of your childhood christmas memories

W – winter wonderland or present wrapping

X – eXchange gifts

Y – decorate (and eat) a yule log

Z – make a sign to count down the zzz till christmas (this one was really difficult!) or get each other presents beginning with zDSCF3378-2.jpg

I would love to hear about any fun festive dates you and your partner get up to! If you have any other ideas be sure to leave them below for others to read

Go and grab another cuppa on me (or a hot chocolate), Em x

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The 6 stages of a long distance relationship 

For the past year (and for the rest of this year) my boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship, he lives at home in London and I live at university in Norwich. Anyone out there who has to be away from their loved one for a long period of time will know how difficult it can be. I have come to found however that when things are difficult the best thing to do is try and find a positive spin on it which, in this case, happens to be writing a satirical (but oddly relatable) 6 steps of a long distance relationship…

1. The hard goodbye stage

You’ve just spent a weekend with your partner that was so perfect it was like something out of  a Nicholas Sparks novel (well the happy chapters), but now they have to leave. You find yourself playing all the tricks to get them to stay – guilting them, bribing them, wrapping yourself around their legs like a koala to a tree but it doesn’t work. After a long hug goodbye they eventually wriggle free and are gone for another few weeks. Stage one is the hardest.

2. The I’m going to be okay stage

This is the stage where you channel your inner girl boss who doesn’t need anyone else. You keep yourself busy, you tick everything off that to do list and not even a loss of Instagram followers can bring you down – you’re unstoppable! On the phone to your other half the only tears that reach your eyes are those of laughter when you reminisce about the weekend just gone because you are the epitome of positivity. You’re going to be okay I mean its only 3 more weeks that’ll fly by, right?

3. The I just want to stay in bed and cry stage

Wrong. All of a sudden it’s like a dark cloud comes over your bubbly little life and all you want to do is live in a blanket fort of sadness. There isn’t enough Ben and Jerrys in the world to get you out of this rut and you start googling if its possible for a human to hibernate, at least that way you could sleep away the lonely weeks. Just as you’re about to pull yourself together your significant other sends you a snapchat and their cute little face turns on the water works, more tissues please! DSCF3228.jpg

4. The jealously stage 

This is the stage to avoid at all costs if possible. You get jealous of everything and everyone that comes into contact with your partner. Not because you think they’re being unfaithful but because how is it fair that the postman gets to see their face everyday but you don’t. The Labrinth song about being jealous of the wind becomes your life motto and when your partners mum texts you about something funny they did you find yourself growling at your phone in envy.

5. The countdown till I see them again stage 

This is like christmas come early. Only 3 days to go then you get to see them again (they should really make advent calendars for events like this!) You countdown the sleeps and start planning out the few days you have with them to make every second count. If anyone asks you what your plans are for the weekend you find yourself screaming “MY PARTNER IS COMING” in their now scared looking face. The last few hours feel like a lifetime, no amount of bingewatching netflix will make the time go quicker so you find yourself sat staring at the door in anticipation. 3 hours, 2 hours, 1 hour….

6. The best day of your life so far stage

This is it, what you’ve been waiting for. As soon as that door opens you pounce on them and vow that you’re not letting go of them for the whole weekend. All of a sudden the past 3 weeks vanish from your memory and everything in the world feels right again. Your carefully thought out plans don’t work out but who cares because you get to hold onto the most important person in the world to you. If you had to sit in a cardboard box for the whole weekend you wouldn’t care because at least you’re sitting with them. The the inevitable happens. It’s Sunday night. They have to leave Here we go again…

I hope you enjoyed this post and if you’ve been through a long distance relationship I hope you found it relatable in some way (maybe not quite as dramatic though!)

Go and grab another cuppa on me, Em x

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A-Z Dating

It’s a Sunday afternoon and you and your partner find yourself sat on the sofa trying to come up with something to do. Not that binge-watching Netflix isn’t fun but seeing as you haven’t left the house all weekend you fancy a change. But what do you do?

A few months back my boyfriend and I came across A-Z dating and we have loved it ever since. Essentially what it is is you pick a letter and then come up with an activity to do on your date that starts with that letter. You can either just do 1 activity based around each letter or try and make a whole day/weekend out of it by only going to places/eating foods that start with that letter.

This is such a great way to try something new on your dates and create some really special memories. The dates can be free or expensive, inside or outside, local to you or in a completely different country all that matters is that it starts with the letter you have chosen. The other choice for you to make is whether you want to just work through the letters alphabetically or pick a random letter out of a hat each time. Here are a few ideas of things you can do for each letter…

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A – aquarium, arcade, go on an aeroplane, american diner

B – beach, baking, bowling, board games

C – cinema, card games, camping, cooking

D – disneyworld, dancing, driving range, double date

E – holiday to europe, exploring, eating, escape room

F – football, farm, build a fort, festivals

G – go karting, go green for the day, ghost walk, gallery

H – stay in a hotel, horse riding, harry potter world, happy hour

I – ice skating, indian food, make ice cream, Ikea

J – jigsaw, jacuzzi, jurassic park binge, start a journal

K – karaoke, KFC, fly a kite, kickboxing

L – learn something new, live music, lazy day, lunch

M – movie night, monopoly, museum, massage

N – night in, day out in nature, netball, go nude for the day (why not)

O – ocean, obstacle course, outdoor cinema, opera

P – pool, pizza, pitch n putt, painting

Q – quiz, a quest, visit the queen?

R – restaurant, rollercoasters, riverboat, roller skating

S – spa, skydiving, shopping, swimming pool

T – theatre, trampolining, tattoo, treasure hunt

U – underground, underwear shopping (cheeky), unwind, umbrella walks in the rain

V – volunteer, video games, vendors, vineyard

W – workout, walking, waterpark, wall climbing

X – x-box, xylophone lessons, eXhibitions (I’m struggling here!)

Y – yoga, have to say yes, yodelling, youtube binge

Z – zoo, zip wire, zombie day, catch some zzzz

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If you have any other ideas be sure to leave them in the comments below and let me know if you get up to any A-Z dates!

Go and grab another cuppa on me, Em x

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